Indian Writing

From Zena’s blog, Beirut Update:

already, so many people are becoming too used to this. people have stopped going to work– what’s they point? there is war! people have let go of certain commitments and responsibilities– what’s the point? there is war! cafes and restaurants have shut down. people have let go of projects, proposals, plans… people have stopped communicating. telephones don’t work!

i saw maya today. maya lived in lebanon during the civil war. we had a strange conversation.

maya: what’s wrong with you today? you look so down… so depressed…. zena, what’s wrong? did someone die?? what’s wrong???

zena (saying this out loud to maya): oh, it’s nothing.. it’s just this war. don’t worry, i’ll be fine. (insert fake smile here).

zena (saying this in her head): i have anxiety all the time. my tummy is always in a knot. i can’t sleep. i can’t eat. i am afraid all the time. i am angry too. it’s hot. my food in my fridge keeps going bad, because electricity is on and off. i’m freaking out because my internet has been going on and off…. i’m so afraid that one day it just won’t come back on again.

maya: don’t worry. you’ll get used to this. we all did back in the 80s. you have to. you have no choice. you will see, soon you will be so used to this, you won’t even realize that there is a war going on.

zena (out lout to maya): i don’t think i want to get used to this.

zena (to herself): it doesn’t have to be like this. we don’t have to accept this. maya, i’m so sorry you once had to “get used to it”. i don’t want you or i to have to “get used to it” again. it doesn’t have to be this way. this is not a way of life. don’t we still have choices as human beings? don’t we still have a chance to prove that in the end humanity prevails?

And… Time Out Beirut.