Indian Writing

From “My Cancer”, an incredibly thoughtful blog by Leroy Sievers about his struggle with cancer:

For many of us, the outcome of this fight — and yes, it is a fight — is not going to be any surprise. The cancer, in the end, will most likely be what causes our deaths. But everyone dies. If you want to put it that way, everyone loses that one fight.

And this is a fight for which there is no shame in losing. It’s how you live, how you fight, that matters. For some people, they give it everything they have, fighting and struggling for every day. Others come to peace with what is happening, and choose not to fight any longer. There’s no right or wrong in either of those positions, or anywhere in between.

What makes any of us win, is what we do with the time we have — the same as for people that don’t have this disease. Did we try to make a difference? Try to do the right thing, especially when it wasn’t the easy thing? Did we try to leave the world a better place? Did we speak out for those with no voice? Those, to me, are the questions that determine whether or not we win, not the war with cancer, but whether or not we win in life.

Also read his partner Laurie Singer’s post for the caregiver’s perspective:

We’ve made many trips to the chemo room now. Sometimes I leave and walk the brick-lined streets of Baltimore, Stop at a bakery where they make some great cookies that have a huge chocolate drop on top — a Leroy favorite. The only good thing about being on chemo? Cookies with big chocolate drops on top move to the top of the food pyramid!

But the room and the image of him sitting there never leaves my mind. I can walk those streets, people-watch and see the world moving on. But my world is back in that room where Leroy is fighting with every healthy cell in his body to live.

There’s not a song on the iPod that can drown out that image, not a chapter in the best book that can create an escape route. Even on the other side of chemo, you never leave that room.

I know exactly what she means. Since October 2002, my mother has fought cancer off and on. She has had surgeries and several rounds of chemotherapy in her struggle with ovarian cancer. This year she had to fight a new type of cancer - soft tissue sarcoma on the leg - for which she had another surgery. She is now getting daily radiation (for another ten days) as well as chemotherapy tablets. The positive side of things - it’s very important to recognise this - is that there have been several months-long periods of remission, and her quality of life hasn’t been majorly affected so far. She reads her books, she watches movies, she goes to Matunga or has her family and friends over. With my father, she travels to spend time with my sister and brother.

But yes… even in the movie theatre, even on a vacation, even while blogging - as Laurie Singer says, even on the other side of chemo, you can never quite leave that room.

(via Magesh)